Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Since you asked ...

You asked me today if I looked askance at your doll-making because it wasn't a more practical hobby. Thinking of "hobby" as "an activity or interest that is undertaken for pleasure, typically done during one's leisure time," I replied "no."

Having considered, however, that your dolls could be displayed or even sold, I've since decided that, as an avocation, doll-making runs the risk of being disgracefully practical. Therefore, I have come up with a list of new hobbies for you to pursue, each is which is more useless than a solar-powered flashlight:

  • Collecting ecstasy pills
  • Knitting woolen breasts
  • Yodeling with your mouth closed
  • Memorizing songs backwards
  • Vomit photography
  • Nerf jousting
  • Frog breeding
  • Making mud balls
  • Off-road shopping cart racing
  • Woodworking

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

You looked disappointed

When you asked, "What are you doing out here (in the infernal region), the bookcase is done?" and I replied that I was reassembling my old bench for storage purposes.

I'm actually reassembling my old bench because I need it to resume work on your sewing cabinet. I want to have it done by your birthday. (It's not your birthday gift, I should mention.) I vaguely had a notion of it being a sort of surprise, until I realized that you'd see me putting it together.

I'm not very smart.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Now that I think of it

Random titles from your collection: The Time Traveler's Wife; Memoirs of a Geisha; Jonathan Livingston Seagull; A Cat Abroad; Homeopathic Medicine at Home.

Random titles from my collection: Nietzsche: Philosopher, Psychologist, Antichrist; Why the North Won the Civil War; Beyond Objectivism and Relativism; Hitler's Generals; The Israel Lobby and U.S. Foreign Policy.


I'm confused ...

What do you mean you don't want to borrow The Coming of the Third Reich? How is that possible?

The Parallax View

How did I end up with so much Zizek? Oh, that's right. I have a master's degree. In English. Why didn't you stop me?

How do I love thee?

Let me count the ways. I put all of the Bloom County in "your" area.

Friday, April 29, 2011

I promised you a bookcase; I didn't say it wouldn't be a photo of a bookcase


It's 3:06 am, I'm sitting on the catio next to our cat who eats baby food. He's eating baby food. It's actually turkey mashed up into something he probably thinks is baby food. I'm not smoking, I'm eating lightly steamed wheat germ and alfalfa sprouts while doing yoga. I'm on a stairmaster listening to affirmation CDs. I'm drinking a rhubarb omega 50 power shake, while popping B12 capsules.

Anyway, due to the awkward shape of the puzzle box bookcase, it has to be carried in through the front door. Noise, commotion, conniption, cantankerousness. Languid, flea-infested neighborhood cats lounging in my path. So, in lieu of the actual bookcase, I'm offering you this grainy, noise-addled cell phone camera photo of the puzzle bookcase, replete with shitty resolution and color distortion.


Thursday, March 10, 2011

Good Morning...

...Smoochensteinableiacolishinessensmooles. Partly I'm typing this so I could write that out while Zorro head-butts my arm like a battering ram laying siege to the citadel of Smoon.

So, at the end of a day, amid helices of wood shavings and scattered pinches of sawdust, past the coil of a compressor hose still coated with autistic cat piss, in the shin-high shadow of a promising-yet-unfinished portable bird perch, and as Zorro now presumptuously defrocks my lap despite the occupancy of it by this shiny clicking writing machine, I propose we leave tomorrow (Thursday).

We're not ready to leave, quite frankly, and won't be until late (even for me). With a Thursday departure, we (or I, more to the point) would have 9 days at the Casa de la Ledge ("There ain't no vista and there ain't no view, and there sure ain't no vista of no view") with 2 days up and 2 days back (I'd tell you that you could double-check that if you like, but that would be like telling the sky it could rain--you know, if it felt like it...) Anyway, that will be enough time to do the Atlasian, manish shit I do. If you would walk around without your clothes on and periodically molest me, things would go faster and harder, er, faster and wetter, er, faster and nevermind. Just sayin'.

I can still pick up the van as scheduled, and we have until 4pm to reschedule the West Bestern room in Macon without penal servility. Leaving auwefhbjk (that's Mr. Z's word for "Thursday"--apparently he understands English but rejects its parochial limitations when expressing himself) will permit us to get done all them things we need to get done.

I'm tired. I was upset but I feel better now. Just remember, Kant never could do anything...

Monday, February 14, 2011

On windows, and wrapping them

Not sure why the window wrap looks like ghetto when ghetto was ass. Handful of guesses:
  1. I suck at this
  2. Anyone sucks at this without another person
  3. Wrong material
  4. Wrong tape
  5. Ball-sucking technique with heat gun
  6. 1-5, cubed
  7. When they say "insulate windows" on the packaging, they mean windows no-one looks through
  8. When they say "crystal clear" they either mean: (a) Not for you, dummy; (b) A crystal that has fallen, shattered, and been super-glued back together again.
To think I lost a whole day in the shop for this garbage.
BUT...
[rest of note lost to marauding cats]